Today I received my first rejection in my search for an internship. I knew this moment would come, and I know there will be more. Still, when it arrived, it hit me harder than I expected.

I am 38 years old, and my path has been anything but straightforward. For years I have been fighting heavy personal challenges and health issues. Fights I often thought I couldn't win, but somehow, with the help of my sport "Brazilian Jiu Jitsu", I found my way through.

Two years ago, I faced an unexpected new battle. On the flight back from a training camp in Brazil, a blood clot traveled to my brain. I still remember that moment vividly, sitting in the plane, feeling something was going terribly wrong. By the time we landed, I could barely swallow, struggled to stand on my feet, and realized my body was no longer fully under my control. It felt like I was standing right at the edge of the abyss. But I made it through.

And now, here I am, close to finishing my bachelor's degree. All that stands between me and graduation is my internship and final project.

I know the search won't be easy. Companies have endless choices, and I am not the most "standard" candidate. But still, I keep going. I keep applying, presenting myself, and trying again and again.

What keeps me grounded is, once again, my sport. BJJ is my anchor, maybe more than ever. That's why I temporarily moved to Warsaw, Poland, to train at one of the best gyms. I don't know how long I'll stay... maybe I'll return once I find stability in work, or maybe I'll remain here if the opportunity allows.

In Warsaw I can fully focus on no-gi grappling. I've probably developed a preference for no-gi because it matches my personality. In the gi, people can grip you, hold you, pin you down. In no-gi, it's not that easy... there, I feel free. And that freedom mirrors my real life, where I often feel that people want to pin me down, control me, take away my space.

On the mats, under pressure, I learn to solve puzzles step by step, and every little victory gives me strength. Each morning I wake up and train, I feel at home.

Those moments give me balance, so that I can also face the other side of life: the applications, the rejections, the feeling that I have to sell myself in a world I often don't fully understand.

This morning I woke up with pain in my neck and back, after a restless night in a hostel where I could only stay for a single day. I keep expenses as low as possible, just to stretch this lifestyle a little longer, training, working on myself, holding on.

This is my reality. Not a success story, not filtered. Just a person trying, every single day.

Tine Scheldeman